Problem Solver – February 13, 2022

Graphix: spwilcen

Lookit!  Sunday the thirteenth!  How does that superstition go?  Wait.  What?  Um. Friday?  Okay. Never mind.

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I am nothing if not a problem solver. Matter of fact, you might call me a problem solver extraordinaire.  You should expect soon, seeing as how I’m killing the cat in the bag with two stones with this confession, to hear I’ve been hired by an east coast think tank.  You know, for emergency solutions when regular staff fail to deliver.

That’s gonna be swell far as I’m concerned.  Seeing as there are so many pressing issues, I expect to be so tied-up with think tank consulting there’ll be no time and little reason to continue slogging through this writing and blogging morass.   Do I hear sighs of relief?  I’m hoping that’s not for my absence from Blogsville but for expectation of overdue solutions to the world’s woes.

There’s no secret to my success.  Problem solving is not magic.  One need only be able to think outside the box.  Ignore the lines when coloring.  Skip a few connectable dots.  Disregard “common” wisdom.  Repose quandaries in new ways. Ignore questions asked, substituting better questions.  Look the other way when everyone declares a “solution” “obvious.”  Step on some toes.  Apply a little pragmatism. Make mulch out of falling chips.

Skeptics.

For non-believers, I offer a couple of examples, drawn from situations many have experienced.

I bunged my rotator cuff recently. I’m old.  I’ve abused my body leaping tall buildings, lifting powerful locomotives, and out-legging nine-millimeter gunshots.  See a doctor?  Conventional wisdom.  I’ve already paid for so many MRI’s I get quantity discounts.  Not going to slippery slope with a medical professional’s best guesses on shimming my shoulders. 

I’ve struck a balance.  Now both shoulders are frelled.  Symmetry.  A minor catch. I cannot lift a coffee cup higher than my face.  That works for me because my face is all the higher I need lift a coffee cup. My lips are conveniently located on the bottom of my face.  Just in case there should be some need at a later time, I’ve a backup plan.  Smaller coffee cup.

Problem solved.

You suffered from insomnia lately?  Liar.  You have, and you know it.  Me too.  Toss and turn, disrupting your partner’s sleep?  Better living through chemistry?  Herbal teas?  Warm milk? Read a boring book or WordPress post? Transcendental Meditation?

Nah.  Get your bones out from between the sheets, grab yet another cup of coffee or high-voltage cola, fire-up your laptop, and catch up on your overdue email.  Email current?  Write some WP drivel. Mop and wax the kitchen floor. Carpet in the kitchen? Rip it out and lay linoleum. Sleep is overrated.  Sleep is for the common folk.  Burn the wick until it fizzles. Wait!  Won’t you then fall asleep? Nope.  You’ll go unconscious.  Different.  Complete relaxation.  One session every four or five days, and you’re good to go.

Problem solved.

Like those samples?  Remove your doubts about my abilities?

Problem solved.

Excuse me.  That’s the phone.  Area code 202.  D.C.  See?  First call coming in now. Catch you later.