Sadly, oh so sadly, this is all-too-real satire.
2024 National Election Prospects
[5:13 AM Left Coast Time] Talltree Times and Trader has just learned from a second trusted source that the conflict between (Giggler) Kammy Harris and (C’mon, man) Sleepy Creepy over who should be Democratic candidate for First Clown in upcoming national elections has turned characteristically personal.
Kammy insists “doctors” other than First Doctor rule on Sleepy’s mental agility. Talltree’s on-site reporter was unable to obtain further details on this aspect of the conflagration because staffers in the Vice Clown’s office were too busy packing personal effects to snitch.
Puppeteers, on Sleepy’s behalf, counter that while “Kammy’s deplorably comic performance as Vice Clown shows promise, she lacks international slapstick chops.” In an early morning [EST] press conference, First Liar KJP, BS, NYIT and MPA, Columbia U, blinked twice when the quote was repeated by Walter Writemupp of the Gillespie (MT) Growler.
At present, reporters working a related story can only reliably report Republicans have been caught with their collective pants down around their ankles. Just beginning to stare into suddenly apparent black holes for inspiration as to who of their ranks would be best Republican candidate for First Clown, they offered no “on the record” position statement.”