Animal Teachers – April 7, 2022

graphix: spwilcen

Animal teachers

Cows don’t take other cows’ lunch money.  I never saw a cow crying because another cow took her lunch money.  No, I never have.

A giraffe always holds the door open for someone else.  Unless his hands are full.  That’s true.  You just watch next time you see a giraffe going into the grocery market.

Earthworms always wash their hands before coming to the table.  I’ve never seen one at the table with dirty hands, have you?

Crows don’t take more candy than they can eat.  As far as I know, most crows are very polite that way.  Do you know any impolite crows?  I don’t.

Grizzly bears never tease polar bears because polar bears are different from grizzly bears.  Not that I’ve ever seen anyway.  Some people tell me grizzly bears don’t tease polar bears because polar bears are bigger than grizzly bears.  Most people tell me it’s not that at all.  They say it’s because grizzly bears are respectful. 

Hyenas always leave the house with a clean handkerchief. I bet you’ve never seen a hyena cover her sneeze with a dirty handkerchief.  I haven’t.

Whales never throw empty soda bottles on the beach.  Think hard, now – did you ever see a whale-size soda bottle on the beach?  Me either.  I don’t believe whales even drink from plastic bottles.  I’ve never, ever seen a whale-size plastic bottle.

I think rabbits like vegetables.  Rabbits never complain about eating them.  As a matter of fact, rabbits don’t complain much about anything.  Pretty nice guys, rabbits.

My friend in Florida tells me an alligator always washes behind his ears.  Oh, I’ve never actually seen an alligator shower, but then I’ve never, ever seen an alligator with dirty ears. 

It is a known fact, that a porpoise always asks permission before using some else’s crayons.  Always.  I think that’s because she wants others to ask before using her crayons.  What do you think?

Did you ever listen to a gerbil?  Gerbils always say “please” and “thank you.”  Wait a minute.  They always say “yes ma’am” and “no ma’am” too.  Unless they’re talking to a man and then it’s “yes sir” and “no sir.”   Well, usually.  It’s hard to remember all the time, even for gerbils.  Gerbils are famous for good memories and great manners.

Have you ever seen a hippopotamus play in the mud in his Sunday clothes?  I don’t think hippos ever get their shoes muddy either. It would be unusual and funny to hear a momma hippo yelling at a baby hippo for leaving muddy shoes at the door.  Yeah, that would be funny.

Chickens don’t pick their noses. Nope.  They don’t.  They just don’t do it.  Not even when they think no one is watching.

Hey!  Did you ever watch a gorilla?  I have, lots of times.  Gorillas don’t push chimpanzees around just because they’re bigger than chimpanzees.  They don’t cut in line in front of chimpanzees either.  Or in front of other gorillas.  I’m certain of that.

I don’t remember seeing a turtle run in the house or in the hallways at school.  I mean, they’re pretty fast running from first base to second base in softball.  But that’s outside.  I just think I’ve never seen one running inside the house.  Have you?

Ostriches brush their teeth every morning and every night.  Do you remember ever meeting an ostrich except one with sparkly teeth and nice breath?  That’s what I thought.

Burros don’t cough or sneeze in your face.  Mother burros are quite strict about that rule.  I don’t speak burro, so I don’t know what the exact rule is, but you watch burros.  You’ll see.

I know llamas like to laugh.  Still, you will never, ever see a llama make fun of a camel.  That’s good for the llama.  Come to think of it, it’s pretty nice for the camels, too. Do you suppose a llama would make fun of you just to laugh?  No, I don’t think so either.

One time, I thought I heard a parrot tell a fib.  You know what?  I was wrong.  That parrot was reading out loud from a book.  It’s a good thing I stopped to listen. Otherwise, I would have the wrong idea about parrots.  Whew!

One day I saw an elephant give half of her frozen fruit bar to a rhinoceros. Of course the rhinoceros said, “Thank you.”  I didn’t know elephants and rhinoceroses spoke the same language. Maybe they don’t. Imagine that!

The cleanest bedroom I ever saw belonged to a squirrel.  That’s a fact.  Ever since then, I’ve been trying to keep my bedroom just as clean.  It’s hard work, but I’m getting better.

The next time you go to the movies, watch the zebras while they wait in line.  They don’t interrupt one another. When another zebra is talking, they listen. Now, that’s a good thing.

I studied arithmetic with a horse one time. She didn’t have all the right answers, but you know, she worked really, really hard at learning.  Oh, by the way, I didn’t have all the right answers, either.

Well, see? It’s a good idea to pay attention to animals.  You can learn a lot.

© spwilcen 2022

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