Mini Insults

Fits and snatches following may include objectionable language and innuendo.

These are one-liners (or nearly so) you may want to tuck away in your hip pocket. They could come in handy one day. You know, to keep you from looking back on an incident and saying,”You know, what I should have said to the #%$!=@ was…”

© spwilcenski 2022-2024

City Cowboy

Johnson don’t need no diesel pickup accounta he’s not hauling anything heavier’n what he’s sitting on.

—
A few words of explainin’:
– A ‘pickup’ is what gentrified folk is compulsed to get wordy about and call a “pickup truck.” That’s redundant. Word-wasteful.
– A ‘city cowboy’ is the gent what drives a pickup to his office in the city.  Washes and waxes his ride every Saturday though it ain’t anything ceptin city dirty.  That truck ain’t never carried no load that cunt’a been slung into Ms. Johnson’s Subaru trunk. Truck ain’t never been muddy. Ain’t never hauled a load of manure, rocks, hay, feedbags, or implements.+
– Ain’t Johnson’s Johnson in the cab that makes work for a diesel engine. Johnson sits on the heaviest load that truck is ever carried.

© 2024 spwilcenski
Exposed by spwilcenwrites “Pickups and City Cowboys – February 26, 2024”–

Desolate

The vast void of space.  Rivaled only by the immense emptiness of a “Woker’s” mind.

spwilcenwrites 6/7/2023 Exposed by “Instant Insult – June 9, 2023”

Showing signs of wear

He has every right to look haggard; he’s one-hundred ninety pounds carrying around two hundred fifty pounds of ego.

spwilcenwrites 9/21/2022 “Instant Insult”

Comprehension

She’ll be the last one to know, and then she won’t understand.

spwilcenwrites 5/30/2022 “Mini Insults”

A Mind Is…

Less a matter of his having a fertile mind, it’s more that he’s simply full of shit.

spwilcenwrites 4/27/2022 “Mini Insults”

Premature Assessment

She wailed, “Everyone hates me!”
I cajoled, “Not everyone.  Some folks haven’t met you yet.”

spwilcenwrites 4/22/2022 “File under”

Newborn

That child was born so ugly, his mother put herself up for adoption.

spwilcenwrites 4/8/2022 “Every Newborn is Beautiful”

Sartorial Splendor

There’s a difference between dressing “comfortably” and sloppy.  You’ve mastered sloppy, want to take a shot at comfortable?

spwilcenwrites 4/2/2022 “Mini Insults”

Hot Stuff

You think you’re a hot product?  I’m betting there’s gonna be a recall.

spwilcenwrites 4/2/2022 “Mini Insults”

Road Trip!

He checked out right after college to go “find himself.” He probably won’t be back soon.

spwilcenwrites 03/29/2022 “File Under”

Ugly Duckling

No Fiona, you’re thirty years old.  It’s not likely “ugly” is something you’re going to grow out of

spwilcenwrites 03/27/202 “File Under… (My Eye should heal in a few days)”

Cheshire Cat

Sometimes her smile says she’s a touch crazy. Don’t let that smile fool you. The woman is wide-open bonkers.

spwilcenwrites 3/1/2022 (2/29) “File Under My eye should heal in a few days“

She (or he) values their own opinion above all others’

She’s brilliant and she’ll be the first to tell you so.

spwilcenwrites 2/21/2022 “File Under…”

Intelligence

If folks keep accusing you of ‘stupid,’ maybe they’re onto something.

spwilcenwrites 2/22/2022 “Loose Change”