Night Sweats – June 26, 2024

3 minutes

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Sleep difficulty affects us all in one form or another at one time or another, with varying frequency.  We have problems falling asleep. We can’t stay asleep for disturbances* or for seemingly no reason at all.  We don’t sleep long enough. We don’t sleep restfully. Sleep quality is less than we’d hope.

Me, for sure.

Worn out after a long day of physical labor, sleep is usually not a problem, getting there, staying there, staying long enough, getting quality sleep.

Typical of older folk, and for an idiot prone to physically overdo, occasional muscle aches or cramps will disturb my sleep. Momentarily unexplained house groans and creaks, appliance murmurs, thunderstorms, thirst, and of course geriatric plumbing interrupt my sleep.

But sleep is routinely delayed for me. Even when physically exhausted, worst for me is not falling to sleep for an inability to turn my “thinking” brain off.

Inventory of what was and wasn’t in the past day starts the parade. Finally setting that aside, important questions demand attention, separating me from Morpheus’s arms.  Philosophical questions. Quantum Physics. Politics. Life’s inexplicable realities. “Why,” “How,” and “What if” quandaries. Horrors of greater and lesser degrees.

These are some of the more important issues I work on. They are not all dire, but all deserve, demand attention. And they get it. Too much of it. Night sweats.

What is the probability that when you pull one free end of a tied shoelace, it will knot?

Did the light in the icebox really go out when I closed the door, or is the little summich running-up my electric bill?

Does Consolidated Energy pay royalties to Frigidaire for the “closed-light-off detent-bypass” in the fridge door?

Did I even remember to close the fridge door?

Does my current state of residence expose me to increased risk that migrating elephants will use my front yard for a rest area?   Will pre-lawn policing for mower impediments in that case require a forklift pachyderm pooper scooper?  Is pachy poop hazmat?

Why do Republicans and Democrats equally not understand their probable candidates for POTUS are questionable, both for a legitimate number of reasons?

Is polysorbate-80 actually good for you?

Isn’t there one Eskimo Bar left in the freezer? If there is, should I go hide it from the Aliens under the package of chopped spinach?

Why didn’t I re-enlist in 1969?

Maybe I should break down and buy a stone saw? The price of plastic bandages could go up, you know.

Do all my former girlfriends still think I’m a doofus?

Why is it impossible for Levi, Lee’s, Wrangler, Rustler, WallyBrand, American Eagle, Carhart, Dickies, and FrooFroo to come to agreement on the exact measurement of a 32 inch waist?

Is powdered Asian Scarlet Beetle wing a good substitute for Crimson Red Dye 42B?

When all the Arctic ice is gone, will poppies or wheat be planted there?  Or will the land be home to another [seriously needed] Dizmal Land or Six Flags ?

Why didn’t Dolly Parton ever accept our invitations to dinner in Nashville? Was it something I said?

Can we pass a law prohibiting physicists from naming elementary particles? Quirks, Quarks, Negrons, Posrons, Photons, Ups, Downs, Clegmas, Leptons, Hadrons, Strange, Charms, Boxtops, Swifts, neutrinos – is there no end to their lack of imagination? (Maybe they need more sleep.)

When Willie Gates, Tesla Dude, Geoff Buzzoff, and Potus Poopdrawers’ family have all the money, how will I pay for my Tranny Beer?

These are just a few of the pressing concerns that keep me from quickly entering a restful sleep state.  No, not many adult-caliber boogeymen hiding under the Serta, but serious stuff.

Any of these bother you?  I genuinely hope not.

Here’s to restful nights.^†

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* Trips to the toilet, restless spouses, barking dogs, crying babies, thirst, whatever.
† Or grand afternoon napping.