Someone Surely Can Explain – April 17, 2024

3 minutes

graphx spwilcen

What up?

One of the many mysteries that routinely entertain, mystify, and confound is the female of the species’ need to “change” things “just because.”  If I knew the “because” of “just because,” there would be less a mystery, perhaps none.

This peculiarity is in my observation, unique to homo insipidus. A nesting mourning dove will not, in the middle of brooding her clutch, toss the lining of her nest “just because.” [Neither to match the changing greenery around her nest or because her nest suddenly appears to her “worn,” “scuffed,” or “soiled.”] Never heard of a flat-tailed, waterlogged woodchuck directing her mate to deconstruct their dam abode so that it can be remade “just because.” [One supposes in the trendiest Castoridae Castorinae style, save I’ve never heard of this.]

Surely this spontaneous need for change manifests a quirk in the homo species’ DNA, some bent survival instinct brought about by a long-forgotten trauma. A matter of survival now unnecessary? Geese and other migratory beasts vacation in warmer climes in winter, return in summer to the cool of northern climes. Not, I imagine, to flaunt their ability to vacation in front of non-migratory animals, but for survival. Snowshoe hares’ coloration changes from summer earthtones to white or splotched-white to escape the keen eye of a hungry wolf, not to be tres chic.

Whatever are you running-on about?

Perhaps an example or two.

There is a ritual two or more times a year, whereby all homo female clothing must be changed-out.  Certain colors or configurations cannot be worn after a certain date, or before a certain other date. It’s not a matter of heavier as opposed to lighter garments’ protection from the elements or to disguise females to protect against encyclopedia salesmen.  [There is a credible argument that this might be to attract the male of the species during estrus, save that the species is not a seasonal breeder.]

Window coverings – blinds, shades, curtains – are not changed because they’ve been frayed by winds, rendered ineffective by solar radiation, pierced by hurled projectiles, or broken through constant use.  They are changed for the sake of change.  Reasons may be offered: color or pattern no longer appropriate, cloaking no longer effective, or “style” [whatever that is] dangerously out of date.

As for window coverings [called by the female of the species, “treatments”] the same applies to carpeting, wall color, bath, bed, and kitchen linens, furniture, and light fixtures.

The most mysterious of all though, is the [dire] “need” to replace kitchen cabinetry and countertops. As long as the process is afoot, it might as well be accompanied by redesign, new appliances, and if time permits, wall, flooring, and lighting refit. [Akin to, “as long as we’re removing the tonsils, we should take the appendix, and if there’s budget, replace a kneecap.]

You have a point?

Yes.  Helpless to escape this folly, maybe I can sleep nights simply knowing: WHY?